Thursday, April 26, 2012

TED Talk: Listening to Shame

This video really relates to what I have gone through this year. I believe that Brene Brown is a Christ-follower but it is so crazy how receptive people are to vulnerability and in all honesty, I think this is one of the things that our society hungers for but do not really realize it. I really liked how My courage and vulnerability came from the Lord though and was not of my own doing.
"If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the shame amount of shame in a petri dish and dowse it with empathy, it can't survive. The two most powerful words when we're in struggle: "me too"."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0

Friday, January 27, 2012

Hey everyone!
So I thought I would give a quick update on my life. So right now in RU we are working on our Secrets show, and from what I tell it is going really well. This week we finished two dances and were working on a third. I will be completely honest, some of the moves are pretty sick! Today we have a show in Swift Current, woot woot! Other than that it is school, school and more school -which in all honesty I don't mind, it is just tiring sometimes.
As for prayer, there has been such talk about missions and travelling and feeling that the Lord has called me to say in Canada this summer is kind of hard for me because I have a bad case of wanderlust. What I need prayer though is that next year I am supposed to go on my semester-long internship but if I do RU again well... that won't be able to happen which means I will have to push it off a year which means I might take an extra year to graduate. So prayer that I would be listening to the Lord in what to do next and that I would trust in him. Also be praying that I would be more radically living for Christ.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Fears.

During RU practice last week we talked about the refining that will take place during this semester for ourselves and the team. We also shared our fears with another person on the team and then prayed about it. Lately I feel like in some areas of my like living radically for Christ or not being attached to consumerism or materialism has been in a type of regression since Kaleo. I know I have progressed in others but as per usual, I don't see it. And then even worse, I become scared that I am not growing or won't grow. My fears? I fear that I won't be refined and if and when that time comes I will be too tired or weak to face the trails. I fear that I am not hearing the voice of God for his will in my own life, and what to do next. I fear that I am not trusting my Lord enough. I fear that I don't love him enough. I know these things I cannot do on my own, and much of it has to be the Lord working through me. So if you could please be praying for that, that would be great. Also praying that my faith would have depth that is deeply rooted in Christ and that my identity is found in him and I won't want to try to assimilate to the rest of the world. Pray that I will put my full trust in my Lord and Saviour.
In other news, RU is touring this semester and putting together a show based on our stories -mine included- so please be praying for the ministry that will come through this semester. Thanks!

Friday, December 9, 2011

To Be Known As

I have realized just how selfish I am and how self-centered instead of being outward-focused (please be praying about that for me). I was reading in my handy-dandy "monk" book and I came across this quote from Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz:

"More than my question about the efficacy of social action were my questions about my own motives. Do I want social justice for the oppressed, or do I just want to be known as a socially active person? I spend 95 percent of my time thinking about myself anyway. I don't have to watch the evening news to see that the world is bad; I only have to look at myself. I am not browbeating myself here; I am only saying that true change, true life-giving, God-honoring change would have to start with the individual. I was the very problem I had been protesting. I wanted to make a sign that read "I AM THE PROBLEM!""

I find this really relevant for myself and it has made me questions what are my motives for social justice. I do genuinely want to help these people, to realize their worth, to know the Lord and his love and his healing power. But am I also doing it for recognition? For being 'sacrificial' in my efforts and being 'caring and loving'? I know we as people can easily put our identity in the things we do, how we look, what we say, and what we spend out time on -something I am really learning about for myself- but we need to find our identity solely in the Lord. There can sometimes be a fine line that we may not even realize. I need to grasp though that I am just a tool for the Lord to reach these people and it is He who has even put this passion and ability in me in the first place.
Just something to think about.

(sorry for the weird formatting)

Thursday, November 17, 2011



A beautiful song, done by a friend.

I Want to Be a Nun


Okay, not quite. But it does have its moments of being enticing. If you think this will be a rant of how there is no great men in this world, think again. It is not about that -Briercrest has many incredible guys here, but sorry to say, I will not be going into that. This is about monastic living.

In my History of Christianity class we have learned about numerous monastic movements in the Western and Eastern church. When I was first confronted with monasticism in my readings -which was the Desert Fathers- I did not agree with them. This early monasticism consisted usually of living days in solitude in a desert, and spending time meditating on God, with no to little resources. It was also usually extreme asceticism. My problem with this was there was no human interaction, or limited. We are commanded to be a light to the world (Matt. 5:14), to go out into it -and let us not forget the Great Commission! Of course, we are not of this world, but we need to be active and within it, we need to preserve it - just like salt can preserve meat from going bad. How can we spread the gospel and light of Christ if we isolate ourselves? Also, with no human interaction how can we learn to be patient, to share, or to be obedient. These can be tested without human interaction but to me, human contact can be the ultimate test. Lastly, we are not able to fulfill the many commands Jesus and Paul make -encouraging one another, forgiving, serving others etc.
Anyways, now comes Western monasticism. The Desert Fathers did have an impact of the orders that would arise but Western monasticism was different. One large difference was they lived in community with one another -even though some of the early monasticism did live in communities. They also interacted with the outside world. They wanted reform in the Church. And depending on the order, they set an example of asceticism, poverty, obedience, and submission, along other things. These monasteries became a place of rest for the weary traveller, a place of education for the knowledge seeker, and a place for the weak and sick. As well, some notable church figures -bishops, writers, and popes- came from monasteries. I am not saying these orders were completely opposite from the monasticism movement before them -or had become perfect-, but to me, they had reached a definite improvement.
You may be wondering where I am going with this, well, be patient. I am almost there. So, for my History of Christianity paper I decided to do something along the lines of Irish monasticism. In my searchings of the immense library here, I stumbled upon a book called Monk Habits for Everyday People: Benedictine Spirituality for Protestants by Dennis Okholm. I thought it sounded interesting so I decided to start reading it. It has been so nourishing, and I highly recommend it. I have learned so much from it but also it has opened my eyes. I am one who really adores the simple lifestyle -even though I am very far from it myself. The simplistic lifestyle of a monk -or it would be a nun in my case- seems so appealing in a world that has been bombarded with consumerism, materialism, and noise. These people have made God their top priority which can sometimes be so hard in the North American culture. They also have disciplined themselves, to listen more and speak less, to be humble in their abilities -but also acknowledge what they can do-, to be completely obedient to the authorities above them, and just to lay down their 'rights'. Especially those monastic orders found in North American, these rights include the fact we think we have a right to fortune and wealth because of our geographical location. It is hard to explain and I do feel like I just rambled -sorry- but to me I want to live more simply, become less distracted with the things of this world and becoming more fixing my "eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen" (2 Cor. 4:18).

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

"Disobedience is only illusory freedom." - Brian C. Taylor