Well I just finished the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I felt so convicted afterward but also so on fire and impassioned! I almost felt like getting up and leaving Kaleo to go do something, but I know I am meant to be here this year to be better equipped to do just that sort of thing. There was a certain part of the book though that my heart just completely cried out:
"I'm writing this in April 2007, and the news about the three martyrs--Tilman, Necati, and Ugur-- is still fresh. I can't get them out of my mind. They were tortured for three hours in ways that I didn't know were humanly possible. I'll spare you the details, but it was repulsive and horrific. I think of how they must have looked at each other while being tortured with stares that said, "Just hold on a little longer. Don't deny Him! It'll al lbe worth it.""
That story for some reason stirred my heart, I actually got really teary-eyed. Maybe it is because I know that story all too well. I met people while in Turkey who knew those men first hand and knew their wives. To think what they endured and that they endured it for Christ. They were like the martyrs from that same land of Asia Minor. History seems to repeat itself. I just wonder where God wants me to go and what he wants me to do...

Chapter 10: On a More Personal Note

Well, as of right now, I am sitting in my Church Ministry class during one of our breaks. I am actually so excited for this course! I really want to be able to help and learn about the church. We are doing topics like spiritual gifts, elders, leadership roles, etc. Definitely thrilled, and the professor David Ernst, seems really great and down to earth.
So what happened this week, well, I could type it all out and tell you, or I could just copy and paste what I put on the Kaleo blog:
"In the last week we have had a considerable amount of snow, which is apparently an abnormality for Crofton. Quite beautiful.
As in other news, we have just finished our Hermeneutics paper at 5:30 this evening. How joyous a time! Not really. It is always interesting to see people staying up late... or not staying up at all but rather pulling an all-nighter... Sarah. haha.
What else have we done... Oh! We had our DTG this week. And if you have no idea what that means, like I did, it means Ditch the Guys/Ditch the Girls. Sorray Guys! But ya, the girls went to Victoria to the Parkers' house while the boys went to Nanaimo for swimming and Jim's later for steaks. Yum."
Also, on the weekend Mary, Mike, Janet and myself went to the Cowichan Tribe 2nd annual craft fair, I bought some sweet and crazy bear-paw bead earrings, so cool! And I saw my first totem pole which is strange since I live near the City of Totems and hadn't seen one yet... except that really tall one in Victoria.
Hm... well this week definitely had its time of frustration. I found out that so many people want to leave Kaleo. It is so discouraging. I just wish that these people would realize that they are meant to be here no matter how they feel right now. Christianity is not about feelings. I just wish they could see that God has a plan for them to be here and that they will grow from this year. In other frustrations, at the night of our DTG I felt completely convicted that I wasn't being personal and connected to God. So that night I poured out my heart to God and to be honest, I felt so much better, like a burden had been lifted and I just felt this feeling that I am not even able to describe. Now, I have taken a more personal note with my prayer life, and it has definitely been such a huge improvement, I feel renewed.
I finished two of my pre-course work books for Church Ministry. What So Amazing About Grace? by Phillip Yancey and Why We're Not Emergent By Two Guys Who Should Be by Kevin Deyoung and Ted Kluck. Both very good reads, I learned a lot from them. At first, I did not like the Why We're Not Emergent book, I thought they were jerks, but by the end I saw a kinder note.
Well that is all for this week. Bye-bye for now!
P.S. At the DTG at Kristine's place in the morning I went out to the dock -they live right on the sides of the bay so they have their own dock- to feed the swans with Nicki, Kristine's sister. It was so much fun! They ate right out of my hand and... I touched a duck! He didn't even see it coming.

chapter 9: Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Merhaba.
This week was our 24/7 week of prayer. I had never done one before, I was a prayer intercessor for the conference I went to in Turkey but this was a lot different. The room was decorated with writing of heartfelt cries, prayers and thoughts from us, along with some ambient lighting and cushions. It had just this captivating feeling to it when I walked in the room. Every day each of us or most of us would pray for an hour each. I took the 7-8 in the morning shift.... every morning, except for the last, I accidentally slept in.... sorray Janet! I found that my prayer time was refreshing and I definitely felt challenged. I feel like my faith is too stagnant. I feel like God is challenging me to let go of the things in life, especially my possessions, and to realize that it is Him working through my life, not my own workings. During our chapel time a lot of us shared our testimonies, and they were so good to hear! So many of them had really great stories, and it helped me understand them better.
Anyways, it snowed on the Island this weekend! I realized that I actually like winter... I never thought I did. It gives me excuse to bundle up and then drink tea and hot chocolate when I get inside and sit by a fireplace... even though we don't have on here, yet. The Brazilians were so excited to see snow, they were rather fanatic, but it was enjoyable to see them marvel at the white stuff fall from the sky. Today me and two of my friends -Erik and Mike- went for a walk to the guest house. If you are curious, the guest house is this very beautiful, 1912, two-story house where our professors and guests of Qwanoes can stay. It is so gorgeous how all the snow has blanketed the branches, ground, and houses. Whilst on our walk we met... Barkley! Barkley is Jim's dog. So we played with him for awhile and such. It was really good to actually go for a walk. We have such beautiful surroundings here and I feel we barely use them.
I would also like to notify everyone that I finished my first college essay! It was for OT Lit and I did it on David's success as a great king not being based on himself but on God. It was actually really great, and I learned so much. So I decided to keep it a little shorter this week. Have a great week! As for my week, I am doing homework, having a DTG -Ditch The Guys- and we are going to go to Ladysmith for a Christmas light festival... pretty excited.

Chapter 8: Grace Melts Ungrace

Well hello once again!

So this week we did our Hermeneutics class with Merrill Dyck. I wasn't too excited going into the course, I am more of a humanities type of person, but it was really good. I learned so much, and it is hard to explain it, but it definitely challenged me to delve more deeply into the Bible and see what every word, verse, chapter and book is trying to communicate to the intended reader but also, me. On Wednesday night... I think it was Wednesday, we went to the Chemainus theatre for a Christmas Carol, for such a small theatre, it was really good!

Again, I worked this weekend at Qwanoes for a full weekend but in the dish pit. I think there was 160 campers and over 20 staff... but don't know how many; it was the Sr. High Retreat. It wasn't really a full weekend for me though, which I feel a little bad about. I got sick and had a fever on Thursday night, right before the retreat started. So I phoned Mel -the awesome gal who organizes the staff and such- and told her my situation. She told me they were short on staff so I had to work but try to give me some rest. I only had to work lunch on Saturday and on Sunday for breakfast and lunch. I was so blessed! Even though, it was hard work for me, but thankfully my fever broke mostly by Saturday. I was really exhausted by the end, but it actually was still a weekend full of lessons. It gave me a new appreciation for the dishwasher here at Qwanoes and even back at LBC. There is so much work to do! I didn't mind working the dish pit though, I am starting to realize here that I really like serving others, and doing dishes is one of them!

So lastly I will talk a little about a lesson in grace and forgiveness I learned just last night. Last night I was talking with two of my friends and they had a different view point on the subject than I did. But I felt like through the whole conversation that I was being completely bashed, and I came walking away from that conversation feeling completely miserable -and crying to my roommates, haha. This wasn't the first time this had happened with my one friend, and I'll be frank, I was so fed up with it already. I was telling myself that I would not talk to that person again, and avoid having conversations with them, but then the words forgiveness and grace came to mind. Grace and forgiveness come hand in hand, I was reading that from a chapter in Yancey's book What's So Amazing About Grace? I came back to reality. Strange as it was for me, I forgave that person right there and then, and shrugged it off. The best part is, the story doesn't end there! My friend was pointed out on what happened by someone else, and today they wrote me a 'cute note' apologizing and wanting to talk about it. We talked about everything and both of our feelings, and I would like to say, the whole thing is rather resolved. :) And Jim with his rock tumbler analogy, -about us clashing together to make us 'smooth stones'- was right once again!

Also this week is our 24/7 week of prayer, so there will always be someone praying in our prayer room that was created for the week. I am excited but also nervous, and if you have any prayer requests just text, e-mail, call or facebook me. I would gladly pray for you.

Chapter 7: You Are Ever So Faithful

Well hello people!
I apologize ahead of time, this may be a very long blog post.... sorry!
So we will start with my mission choice as you might be interested. So I went with -drum roll please-.... Vancouver and the Island! And I would like to clarify NOT North Vancouver but rather East Vancouver, haha, I keep wanting to say North Vancouver, definitely not my intention, and very opposite of East. So now I will explain how I came to this decision. When we first introduced to our options I was most intrigued by India and Vancouver, but I was definitely torn between the two, and then when I learned we only had a week to decide I was thinking How is God going to reveal which trip I should go within a week?! I actually was really doubtful, like God wouldn't answer my prayers. So I did pray a few times, and I was still completely divided. Then, the one day I decided to just go to the dock with my Bible and read, pray and contemplate, -I really contemplating. As I was sitting on top of the tower I pulled out the church bulletin from that Sunday because I had slipped it behind my Bible cover. I decided to look over thinking I might find some 'inspiration' from it, and on the first page there was a family bio, and there favourite bible verse was Isaiah 40:27-31 which is:
"Why do you say, O Jacob,
and speak, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
and my right is disregarded by my God”?
Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint. "
As I was reading it, I thought, well that really doesn't help me at all, so I moved on. I did some leisurely reading, praying, and I just sat there thinking and taking in the view. As I was thinking I was kind of thinking of the reason and reasons not to go to each place and where I was here at Kaleo. As I have said before, I want to be challenged, and I definitely put that into thought. I thought Vancouver was a great option because I would be able to do mission work within our own country. I think that Christians really skip over doing missions within our own country, we go to other countries to do missions to get the experience, culture, the fact that we go to another country, and I think even souvenirs can come into play. And I have done that before, I have gone to Turkey and Mexico, and they were definitely great mission trips, I learned so much, but I think it was my turn to do something within the borders of my own country. India sounded incredible and the stories of things that happened there really impassioned me, and while I was in social studies in high school I learned so much about India like the ever-increasing birth rate, the sex slaves, and the caste system which I was passionate about. To be honest though, I think I would have been going to India for the wrong reasons, more just for the experience and to say that I went there. I really wanted to go there and felt like if I didn't go, I would be missing out. One reason I didn't want to go to Vancouver is because I don't think I can relate to them, I have grown up in a small town in Saskatchewan, with a great family and community, and I am such a shy person at first and I am not a great comforter in my opinion. It is then that I realized how relevant Isaiah 40 was to me. God can give me the tools I need to accomplish this. I don't know if this is from the Bible directly or I heard it from a speaker, but God can use us the best when we aren't previously equipped ourselves so that all glory can be given to him and we can depend on him. I am pretty sure that was my deciding factor, but there was something inside of me that didn't want to go to Vancouver, I thought that I wouldn't get the awesome and exciting experience of Argentina or India. But I made my decision despite my selfish nature nagging at me. Also, for the Vancouver trip we will be working here on the Island for a time too, probably helping out with Kidstown. Which is so great because God has really put it on my heart to be able to take part in that ministry, and I am learning so much of the condition of the Aboriginal people and having my viewpoint completely changed. I was definitely still doubting my decision and if it was the best but on Friday I talked to my pastor, PJ and my mom on the phone and they both confirmed through two different conversations that they thought that this was the best choice to make, which I am so thankful that God was able to give me assurance in my choice.
Alright, so onto the next subject. Well during reading break all I pretty much did was homework, but the one day we went to Victoria to help out SALTS. I'll be honest, even though we did stuff like cleaning, trying to hang up life-jackets, and folding up sails, it was actually really good, I wouldn't particularly use the word fun, but maybe one step below that. The lovely Jordana, one of my Kaleoites, invited us -the Kaleos working on the SALTS thing- to go to a Watoto presentation at a church in Victoria. Watoto is an organization in Uganda that deals with war victims, and this tour was specifically about previous child soldiers. I have been involved with an organization called Invisible Children that is involved with child soldiers in Uganda, and I have been trying to always keep up to date with the LRA and what is going on there, but I sometimes fall behind and lose my vigor. So this event I was really excited for. I've always been passionate about Invisible Children and child soldiers but to see these children and hear their accounts first-hand was so different and real. For most of the presentation I was either crying in joy or from experiencing their pain. I remember the one part where they did a re-enactment of the LRA invading a village, my mind just kept screaming this is so unfair, why should they have to experience this? Overall this experience was incredible, and it really actually revealed and made me realize more my passions. I remember the one lady said 'forgiveness is the anti-venom', and to see these children forgive the LRA can only be accredited to God's grace working in their lives.
Alright, time for my last subject. So this weekend I was a counselor at the jr.high retreat at Qwanoes. I'll be frank, it was probably my worst counseling experience. I have been a Sr. Counselor for two years at LBC in Saskatchewan, but I have never had an experience like this. I think there was a few reasons why it didn't go that well 1) I wasn't able to get into the mentality of being a Kaleo student to being a counselor, during the summer since it is your job and you really don't have to think about school assignments etc. make it a lot easier 2) I know some of the Qwanoes staff but there is so many people I don't know, and at LBC I know all of the staff, and usually pretty well, which is something I need 3) I didn't fully rely on God for the first part of the weekend 4) I have had challenging campers before but I definitely found this weekend it was very challenging. 5)I went into it tired from a final exam and a lack of sleep on friday night. I would like to tell you also that there is hope for this story! It did get a lot better Saturday evening for me. I was just so fed up, tired, and I felt that I didn't have the capacity to love my campers. So I cried out to God and decided to change my attitude, and definitely that helped too. I asked God to reveal these girls to me like he sees them, to love them like he does, and it worked! I connected with my girls when we went swimming and had some shenanigans at DQ. One girl definitely was really challenging, but it was so much easier to see them and love them through how God loves them. The first half of the weekend was slight misery for me but the rest of it was actually really good, and my cabin had some really good discussion and a few of the girls really wanted to hear my testimony. I would just ask that you would pray for those girls and that God would soften their hearts, and keep working in their lives.
Well that is it! I thank you readers for those who read the whole thing in its entirety and I also apologize once again for its length. This week is our Hermeneutics course with Merrill Dyck, just to let you know.
So long and farewell!

P.S. I forget to put this on awhile ago but I saw my first, real live, wild, raccoon! I have to say though that those things are evil! I've heard such horrid stories about them and those beady, reflecting eyes!

"Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity
Give me your arms for the broken hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see..."