I am a sucker for those 'faith in humanity restored' post that you will find spamming your Facebook feed or your Pinterest (if you have one of those). Basically every time even if I have read it before or saw that video already, I usually ending up crying --ahem, may have bawled a few times but don't tell anyone that. Once again today I saw a video of a man who had rescued over 600 children during the Holocaust and met them for the first time many years later. I had a good little cry. I wondered though as I watched this video, what resonants with me so much with these type of videos? Why do they struck such a cord?
It gives me hope. It gives me hope that the Lord is still working through his creation. His goodness is still seen. These acts defy human nature, which is selfish at its core. It is people who are willing to step out or who are willing to take that time out of their day to make a difference in someone's life.
It also I think a window into what the church would look like if they radically followed Christ. The church is not perfect, which I fully realize as being part of it, but it is something we can strive for. To live differently from the cultural norm. To live differently from what is defined as human nature.
These type of videos and posts also inspire me. I think I would love to say at the end of my life that I saved a person's life or countless lives. To make a difference in this world, at least to that one starfish. The caution though is that I am not doing this for my own glory but rather for the one who created and saved me, Jesus Christ. I know that I am called to be the light and salt of the world. I am called to be Christ's hands and feet along with the rest of the church. However the Lord wants to work that out into my life, I need to be obedient.
As I was thinking about this, one thing really struck me-- it was the Lord reminding me. In order to be like this, I need to be different from the society around me. I can't live the life of what is considered 'normal' in my culture. I can't afford to be selfish and self-centered, being enveloped in my own world. Once again, it is that reminder that we are not called to the American dream. It is about being sensitive to the Spirit's leading in certain situations, it is about stepping out of what is comfortable.
Honestly, I am writing this more for myself than anyone else. I have so much to learn. I need still to grow so much. The beautiful thing though is that I am not alone. It is Christ who strengthens me, who leads me and brings this change within me. May we all -- including myself-- be obedient to where and what the Lord calls us to in that instance. May we be the light and salt of the earth for Christ.
(sorry if there are any grammatical or spelling errors. I didn't check it over. I just wanted to get my thoughts out before I went back to paper writing).
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Saturday, November 1, 2014
My November Guest
Well, since it now November, I thought this poem would be appropriate. It is a poem by Robert Frost that I just discovered yesterday, actually. I really love poetry as it really describes the human condition whether it be tragedy or love in such a beautiful way. I guess it is the romanticist coming out in me. There is a reason I enjoy Romanticism paintings so much. Anyways, enjoy!
My November Guest
My Sorrow, when she’s here with me,
Thinks these dark days of autumn rain
Are beautiful as days can be;
She loves the bare, the withered tree,
She walks the sodden pasture lane.
Her pleasure will not let me stay.
She talks and I am fain to list.
She’s glad the birds are gone away,
She’s glad her simple worsted grey
Is silver now with clinging mist.
The desolate, deserted trees,
The faded earth, the heavy sky,
The beauties she so truly sees,
She thinks I have no eye for these,
And vexes me for reason why.
Not yesterday I learned to know
The love of bare November days
Before the coming of the snow,
But it were vain to tell her so,
And they are better for her praise.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Gravity
Well, it has been a long, long time since I have wrote anything. Better late than never, right?
There has been a lot of things that I have been processing since I have gotten back from Cambodia, but right I want to talk about the reality of living overseas as a missionary.
From quite young (I think 12?) I thought that I would probably be involved in missions. This wasn't fully realized though until I was 18, when I went to Turkey for the general assembly for C&M Alliance. The first time I went travelling, I was hooked. I loved seeing new places, new people and experiencing life in a different place. Looking back, I can see this even in when we went camping every summer. I always wanted to explore.
So, after I finished Kaleo, I went into the TESOL program because I knew that is how I wanted to approach going overseas. Things changed, I went into Intercultural Studies instead....and then I decided to do TESOL also three years later. I loved the courses I took for Intercultural Studies. Still honestly, one of my favourite courses was Cultural Anthropology. I loved the nations, cultures, and languages! Looking back though, I romanticized the missionary life. There is definitely a beauty of abandoning the familiar, living in a different culture and learning to adapt. It is gruelling work and not for the faint of heart. Working along the nationals to bring glory to God and witnessing through how we lived our lives among them. I romanticized it though, and in many ways even though I knew many of the realities, I brushed them off. One of these was being separated from family. I knew this was a reality, but I thought I could handle it. Things changed though.
Before I go any further, I would like to state that I am not against missions or going into missions. At this point, I still see myself going overseas, I am just seeing starting to see the whole picture now for the first time.
When I went to Cambodia I came to realize the reality. The reality of my own sin, but also I saw a glimpse of the reality of serving Christ in this context.
I always thought that it would be easy to leave the comfort of my family and home, well, at least when I was younger. But honestly, I found it hard. I am not a homebody by any means but it is hard to be so far from your family. You are living in a separate world. I missed my family.
I also came to realize what I leaned on when times became tough. Sadly, I hate to admit, for the most part it wasn't Christ. Missions definitely has a way of refining and shaping you, revealing your sinful nature. I learned that I depended heavily on materialism. Also, for the first time in my life I struggled with my body image. I found it hard being around women who are much smaller than I was and having people commenting on my 'bigness'. Where was my value? Was I putting it in outer appearances?
Honestly, I failed numerous times. But the amazing thing is that God is so faithful. No matter how many times I messed up on my internship, he proved so faithful. His grace was overwhelming. In many different ways he worked in my life. He also revealed to me my passion for cross-cultural ministry, for children, and for teaching.
I still have that heart for cross-cultural ministry. God revealed some things for me during my time in Cambodia, things that need refining in my life. It has made me realize now more than ever just how much I need Christ. I cannot do it alone.
So even though I failed this last time and I realized just how hard it was, I don't want to quite. I know that living a life for Christ is not meant to be easy. It is not about comfort.
There has been a lot of things that I have been processing since I have gotten back from Cambodia, but right I want to talk about the reality of living overseas as a missionary.
From quite young (I think 12?) I thought that I would probably be involved in missions. This wasn't fully realized though until I was 18, when I went to Turkey for the general assembly for C&M Alliance. The first time I went travelling, I was hooked. I loved seeing new places, new people and experiencing life in a different place. Looking back, I can see this even in when we went camping every summer. I always wanted to explore.
So, after I finished Kaleo, I went into the TESOL program because I knew that is how I wanted to approach going overseas. Things changed, I went into Intercultural Studies instead....and then I decided to do TESOL also three years later. I loved the courses I took for Intercultural Studies. Still honestly, one of my favourite courses was Cultural Anthropology. I loved the nations, cultures, and languages! Looking back though, I romanticized the missionary life. There is definitely a beauty of abandoning the familiar, living in a different culture and learning to adapt. It is gruelling work and not for the faint of heart. Working along the nationals to bring glory to God and witnessing through how we lived our lives among them. I romanticized it though, and in many ways even though I knew many of the realities, I brushed them off. One of these was being separated from family. I knew this was a reality, but I thought I could handle it. Things changed though.
Before I go any further, I would like to state that I am not against missions or going into missions. At this point, I still see myself going overseas, I am just seeing starting to see the whole picture now for the first time.
When I went to Cambodia I came to realize the reality. The reality of my own sin, but also I saw a glimpse of the reality of serving Christ in this context.
I always thought that it would be easy to leave the comfort of my family and home, well, at least when I was younger. But honestly, I found it hard. I am not a homebody by any means but it is hard to be so far from your family. You are living in a separate world. I missed my family.
I also came to realize what I leaned on when times became tough. Sadly, I hate to admit, for the most part it wasn't Christ. Missions definitely has a way of refining and shaping you, revealing your sinful nature. I learned that I depended heavily on materialism. Also, for the first time in my life I struggled with my body image. I found it hard being around women who are much smaller than I was and having people commenting on my 'bigness'. Where was my value? Was I putting it in outer appearances?
Honestly, I failed numerous times. But the amazing thing is that God is so faithful. No matter how many times I messed up on my internship, he proved so faithful. His grace was overwhelming. In many different ways he worked in my life. He also revealed to me my passion for cross-cultural ministry, for children, and for teaching.
I still have that heart for cross-cultural ministry. God revealed some things for me during my time in Cambodia, things that need refining in my life. It has made me realize now more than ever just how much I need Christ. I cannot do it alone.
So even though I failed this last time and I realized just how hard it was, I don't want to quite. I know that living a life for Christ is not meant to be easy. It is not about comfort.
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Cupid, Butterflies, and Roses
I think this may be quite a bold move on my part, but it something that I have really been thinking about lately. You may be wondering why in the world a single 21-year old girl who has been single for over 5 years is writing a blog post about dating and relationships. Well, there have been a couple close calls in the past few years and instead of seeing these experiences as failures, I had decided to see what I have learned from these experiences and growing in that. Some of these may not be personal experiences either but are ones that I have observed from others around me.
1. Savor every stage. I am not just talking about the usual 'be content in your singleness' slogan everyone mentions. Even though I think it is vital to be enjoy the gifts and exclusive experiences that only singleness can bring. I am talking about every stage whether that be 'just friends', dating, engaged, etc. These stages really in the grand scheme of things are fleeting and quite short. Even within dating there are different stages, and I think we should enjoy every moment and not looking too excitedly to when we can first hold hands, etc. because once you advance to the next stage, it is hard to go back.
2. Cellphones and texting will be the rising and falling of many relationships. I am not saying that texting in itself is a bad thing. What matters though is what type of role it plays within the relationship. If texting is your main source of getting to know someone.... not good. People can make themselves be perceived however they like, which doesn't give us the holistic view of who they are. Also texting shouldn't be the form in which you have your 'deep' conversations or even your fights. Really, those type of conversations need to be carried out in person –or at least by phone if it is long distance. Texting as said, is not bad in itself. Sometimes it can be a way of letting someone know that you are thinking of them if you see something that reminds you of them or if you want to share some funny detail of your day. It just needs to be used properly.
3. Don't make the first move. Yup, it may sound like a snotty comment but from my experience it is really true. I am not saying that I cannot talk to guys at all or be friends but I am not going to initiate something beyond friendship. My experience is that when I was the one doing the 'chasing', it never ends well. I want the guy to step outside his comfort zone to show me that I am worth it for him to be a little uncomfortable. I also want him to be sure of what he wants rather than being flimsy or on the fence. When the guy is the one initiating, I can have some assurance that he isn't wavering. Call me old-fashioned but I believe that chivalry isn't completely dead.
4. Trust the Lord. This may be more for all my single guys and gals out there but I think it can be relevant for everyone. There are still honestly moments when I feel lonely or I long to have someone to share those moments in life with but I remind myself that the Lord's plan is a lot better than anything I could orchestrate. I am not saying that whole 'girls are like apples' philosophy that is by Pete Wentz – who really we probably shouldn't be taking too much advice from, he's in Fall Out Boy, not some profound poet. There can be some truth to Wentz's little poem –like having firm morals– but for the most part I think it is a fallacy to think that those girls who date later on in life are 'the best' compared to those who date before them. There is just different timing for different people it is not really based on who is 'better'. Anyways, rant over on that one.
There have been times where I have started to freak out because I think my biological clock is ticking away –for crying out loud I am only 21!– and I won't find anyone. When I look back at those moments I can only laugh, I am still young and I am worry way too much. I highly doubt it but who knows, maybe I will stay single all my life. If that is the case, I need to accept that and not be looking forward to something that isn't a reality for me – or may never be. I need to trust the Lord in his timing and not trying to take control.
5. Don't forget about your friends. As much as you 'adore' that darling of yours, you honestly don't need to spend every waking hour with them. I think it is important to have consistent friendships who can constantly give input into your life and build stability in your life. I cannot even really express how important it is to have friends. When you are in a relationship it is important to still be spending time with your friends which fosters good habits for later on in life. Even though your significant other will be your best friend in life you still need same gender friends! Also, realistically 9/10 of the relationships you have will not work out. Friends are going to be the ones who will be there for you and be that shoulder to cry on. I am not saying you need friends just for the fall back when a relationship turns sour. One of my RDs told me when they were at another private school in the dorms was a sign that said something along the lines that high school is the time to find your bridesmaids, not your groom. That may have been advice for high school students but I think it is applicable for even now.
Yes, there are probably more but that is all I can think of at the moment. Some people may disagree and that is fine. I also realize that I am naive and young and know literally nothing in comparison to the couple who has been married over 65 years, and even my views I hold now may change with time. Sorry boys if you thought this would be a list of what I look for in a guy! ;) I would like to hear your thoughts!
1. Savor every stage. I am not just talking about the usual 'be content in your singleness' slogan everyone mentions. Even though I think it is vital to be enjoy the gifts and exclusive experiences that only singleness can bring. I am talking about every stage whether that be 'just friends', dating, engaged, etc. These stages really in the grand scheme of things are fleeting and quite short. Even within dating there are different stages, and I think we should enjoy every moment and not looking too excitedly to when we can first hold hands, etc. because once you advance to the next stage, it is hard to go back.
2. Cellphones and texting will be the rising and falling of many relationships. I am not saying that texting in itself is a bad thing. What matters though is what type of role it plays within the relationship. If texting is your main source of getting to know someone.... not good. People can make themselves be perceived however they like, which doesn't give us the holistic view of who they are. Also texting shouldn't be the form in which you have your 'deep' conversations or even your fights. Really, those type of conversations need to be carried out in person –or at least by phone if it is long distance. Texting as said, is not bad in itself. Sometimes it can be a way of letting someone know that you are thinking of them if you see something that reminds you of them or if you want to share some funny detail of your day. It just needs to be used properly.
3. Don't make the first move. Yup, it may sound like a snotty comment but from my experience it is really true. I am not saying that I cannot talk to guys at all or be friends but I am not going to initiate something beyond friendship. My experience is that when I was the one doing the 'chasing', it never ends well. I want the guy to step outside his comfort zone to show me that I am worth it for him to be a little uncomfortable. I also want him to be sure of what he wants rather than being flimsy or on the fence. When the guy is the one initiating, I can have some assurance that he isn't wavering. Call me old-fashioned but I believe that chivalry isn't completely dead.
4. Trust the Lord. This may be more for all my single guys and gals out there but I think it can be relevant for everyone. There are still honestly moments when I feel lonely or I long to have someone to share those moments in life with but I remind myself that the Lord's plan is a lot better than anything I could orchestrate. I am not saying that whole 'girls are like apples' philosophy that is by Pete Wentz – who really we probably shouldn't be taking too much advice from, he's in Fall Out Boy, not some profound poet. There can be some truth to Wentz's little poem –like having firm morals– but for the most part I think it is a fallacy to think that those girls who date later on in life are 'the best' compared to those who date before them. There is just different timing for different people it is not really based on who is 'better'. Anyways, rant over on that one.
There have been times where I have started to freak out because I think my biological clock is ticking away –for crying out loud I am only 21!– and I won't find anyone. When I look back at those moments I can only laugh, I am still young and I am worry way too much. I highly doubt it but who knows, maybe I will stay single all my life. If that is the case, I need to accept that and not be looking forward to something that isn't a reality for me – or may never be. I need to trust the Lord in his timing and not trying to take control.
5. Don't forget about your friends. As much as you 'adore' that darling of yours, you honestly don't need to spend every waking hour with them. I think it is important to have consistent friendships who can constantly give input into your life and build stability in your life. I cannot even really express how important it is to have friends. When you are in a relationship it is important to still be spending time with your friends which fosters good habits for later on in life. Even though your significant other will be your best friend in life you still need same gender friends! Also, realistically 9/10 of the relationships you have will not work out. Friends are going to be the ones who will be there for you and be that shoulder to cry on. I am not saying you need friends just for the fall back when a relationship turns sour. One of my RDs told me when they were at another private school in the dorms was a sign that said something along the lines that high school is the time to find your bridesmaids, not your groom. That may have been advice for high school students but I think it is applicable for even now.
Yes, there are probably more but that is all I can think of at the moment. Some people may disagree and that is fine. I also realize that I am naive and young and know literally nothing in comparison to the couple who has been married over 65 years, and even my views I hold now may change with time. Sorry boys if you thought this would be a list of what I look for in a guy! ;) I would like to hear your thoughts!
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Content.
Well, it has been a week since I made my way home from Mexico. To be honest, I feel like a lot has happened it such a short week. It may not seem like a lot to the average individual but to me, it has. In this past week, I helped pull a calf and sadly see it die (which made me a little lightheaded and had to sit down, thus learning I am not meant to be a rancher's wife), went to the Hat, unpacked (some) of my stuff, started my job, visited family, went to a Grad church service, and a few others things along the way. What makes it all stranger, is that I am completely content with where I am at. When I was in Mexico I realized for probably one of the few times in my life that I was content with where I was at. Of course I am striving forward but I wasn't hurrying myself, I wasn't waiting for the present time to be over so I get on to the next new thing in my future. I feel like I have wasted so much of my life doing that. Not to say though that I haven't enjoyed the times in my life, but I feel like I haven't fully embraced the present and enjoyed it to its fullest potential. So yes, I am 'stuck' in Leader but I am totally okay with that for some strange reason. I am excited for the next semester and everything it will bring but I am happy with where I am at right now. I think - actually, I know - that the Lord knows what is best for me and honestly, I really needed this. I am started to see more why I didn't do my internship this summer. For the past three years since I graduated from high school I have been in some sort of ministry that has taken up a large portion of my time and life, and maybe what I need is some time to recharge and become refreshed. Not to say that I am going to walk away from ministry altogether this summer but it just won't be under any organization or group, it's just me. So many of my friends are travelling abroad or doing some great ministry within Canada, and I think that maybe this is my turn to be the one in prayer for them and supporting them from a tourist booth in Leader, Saskatchewan.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Progresso, Mexico
So this is the promo done for Refined Undignified for our trip to Mexico at the end of April. I am so excited for this opportunity and Adrian did such a great job of the video! We will be leaving April 29 and be coming back May 17. The organization we will be working with is called C-Quest. If you would like to support me/my team or just want more information about this ministry opportunity for RU please contact me :)
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Past and Future
Isn't it funny to think about how you ended up in the spot you are right now? I think so. Today I was thinking about how my life would be drastically different if I had decided to go to Ambrose. Sure, I may ended up with a similar degree but it would have been a divergent journey with other distinct stories and faces. I would probably have grown in my faith but I would not of been in RU, and I would not have the friends I do -except for my Kaleo ones, of course. And I most certainly would not be typing this post right now in Hillson dorm in my room. It is so strange to think of God's providence in our lives, and how it all works out for what He knows is best for us.
Now, on the opposite side of my past is my future. To me I find it strange that in five years time -no pun intended towards the song with the same title- my life will be substantially different than it is now. Who knows what can happen in such a small span of time. I wonder if I will be married, if I will be having a 'career', and where I will be living, and that is just five years. Time passes so quickly as I think that I am in my third year of college already. I remember graduating high school like it was yesterday! It is almost overwhelming to think of how fleeting time is. We cannot control it and just when we think we have grasped it, we realize we are not in the same moment as we once were. I will be honest, I do think youth is wasted on the young, and before I know it, I will no longer be 'young'. This may seem depressing but really, it just puts things into perspective. I do have hope. I think of the verse my class went over today in Pauline Epistles that says, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" 2 Corinthians 4:16-19. I do have hope for the future because this life is not all that there is -even though sometimes it is hard to see past that. This temporary life is meant to invest in the eternal but also to invest into the Kingdom of God and to further it and thus bringing God the glory He deserves. Before I know it -if God wills me to live to old age- I will be at the end of my momentary life and be filled with age spots, grey hair and wrinkles. That does not mean that life is over. Rather, life is just at it's beginning.
Now, on the opposite side of my past is my future. To me I find it strange that in five years time -no pun intended towards the song with the same title- my life will be substantially different than it is now. Who knows what can happen in such a small span of time. I wonder if I will be married, if I will be having a 'career', and where I will be living, and that is just five years. Time passes so quickly as I think that I am in my third year of college already. I remember graduating high school like it was yesterday! It is almost overwhelming to think of how fleeting time is. We cannot control it and just when we think we have grasped it, we realize we are not in the same moment as we once were. I will be honest, I do think youth is wasted on the young, and before I know it, I will no longer be 'young'. This may seem depressing but really, it just puts things into perspective. I do have hope. I think of the verse my class went over today in Pauline Epistles that says, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" 2 Corinthians 4:16-19. I do have hope for the future because this life is not all that there is -even though sometimes it is hard to see past that. This temporary life is meant to invest in the eternal but also to invest into the Kingdom of God and to further it and thus bringing God the glory He deserves. Before I know it -if God wills me to live to old age- I will be at the end of my momentary life and be filled with age spots, grey hair and wrinkles. That does not mean that life is over. Rather, life is just at it's beginning.
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