Chapter 19: The Age I Am.

Merhaba!
This week has been quite interesting to say in the least. It was for the most part a week to finish up some homework (I got the assignments done, just not all of the reading) and then we made our way to Mission Fest Vancouver.
I was so excited to go to Mission Fest because obviously I have a love and passion for missions, and I thought this would help me give more direction of my own future. We got up early and took the ferry from Nanaimo to Vancouver. It was foggy so I didn't see much but on the way back to Nanaimo it was gorgeous out. I loved the ferry ride back to the Island. The closest thing I can compare Mission Fest to would be Breakforth in Edmonton. There was booths, main sessions, and seminars but the biggest difference was you didn't have to register or for that matter, pay! For seminars I went to Creative Access Countries, Restoring Children on the Street, and Understanding Islam 101. I also watched two films presented, India's Forgotten Women and Freedom Fighter. The seminars I went to I found I didn't really learn anything from the seminars I found which was a little disappointing. Also, there were two sessions at the same time which I would have loved to have gone to but because of a Vancouver Mission trip went overtime I wasn't able to go. So to say the least I was upset and being so tired the whole weekend didn't help anything, This weekend in itself for me was disappointing, I had expected a lot. God does seem to tear down my expectations as of lately...very often. There was good things that happened this weekend too. I saw how one of the Kaleo girls has an incredible opportunity ahead of her and how wonderfully she fits that role. I could also really see the passion in her for these people too. Some people also were presented with great direction, that too was encouraging to see. I did meet a relative of mine which was kind of sweet, and I met one of my aunt's college roommates, crazy. We also on Sunday went to this beautiful, old church called the Ruth Morton Memorial Baptist Church. It even had an old-school pipe organ in it. One of my interns, Tyler and I explored it a little bit, so beautiful! I really liked the neighbourhood too.
Something I have realized from my homework readings and my classes as of late I am finding that it is really only through God that for the most part we, as believers in Christ, all get along! There are definitely believers, or so called Christians, but there is so many different types! There are so many different view points on baptism, election (Calvinism vs. Arminianism), image of God, Inerrancy, Creation, Women in Ministry, etc. There are just so many different viewpoints! Even at Missions Fest so many of the missionaries had different viewpoints on things. I definitely think it is the grace of God that we all get along in unity for the most part. I am still deciding my viewpoint on a lot of these things, it sucks because I am a rather indecisive person.
As for my birthday, it was definitely different than the usual birthday. For one thing it was without family, and extended family for that matter, and I did miss my cookie pizza! For most of the day I was in class in my Introduction to Christian Theology with Jim Paulson! So good may I add, he is such a great prof. In the evening I was feeling bummed out but a few of us went to Jim's place (as in Jim our leader, not the prof), Danny, Jim's son, made some delicious pies. So we had pie and ice cream and they sang happy birthday to me. I may have been blushing on the inside when they did but it did mean a lot to me. They may be no blood-related family but they are my Kaleo family. Another good thing is Erik tried being nice to me for once, may I emphasize tried, and Mary got me a really cute little gift. I would like to clarify Erik isn't that mean to me, just sometimes.
Lastly, I would like to announce, I got my Kaleo name! I won't post about that right now because I need some time to think it over, but let me say I do love it, and it is definitely challenging.
Have a great week!

Chapter 18: What's In a Name

Bonjour mes amis! (I hope I spelled that right)
Well this week we went to.... Mount Washington! Our big out trip with all of Kaleo for this semester. We arrived monday morning and left friday afternoon. We stayed in a really quaint chalet on the side of the hill, one side being the boys, and one side being the girls. We spent four days skiing/snowboarding and one snowshoeing/cross-country skiing. On Wednesday evening we also went tubing. It was my second time snowboarding (last time was 2 years ago), so that was interesting but there was a bunch of other beginners with me so it was all good. By Friday I was starting to carve so I am happy, and I really do love it, and I am pretty positive more than I liked skiing. In the evenings we had chapel. Something we started doing in chapel was giving Kaleo names. Now you may be wondering what those are because I had no idea until a month into Kaleo what they were. Kaleo names are names given by the whole of us to each other like God gave to Jacob or Jesus did to Peter. These names are something that we see each other and hope us to grow into. That means this names don't fit us now but we will grow into them through the work of God in our life, These names are our hopes for each others, our hopes that will help us grow into more of the character of God. Some of the names given so far have been Advocate, Diamond, Compassion, Lighthouse, Integrity, Surrender and Scribe. I did not receive my Kaleo name yet, and I am not one bit upset about it. I am excited to get my name, but when it happens, it happens, it is not a big deal of timing for me. Plus, I think the people who have already received them needed to receive them first.
From Mount Washington you could see the snowy peaks of Mount Albert-Edward (where we did our hiking trip at the beginning of the year), it is a reminder of how far we as a group and individually have come. I do remember the hiking trip rather clearly still, quite the experience and very fun, and in some ways it seems so long ago!
Something else that was so cool was the impact a believer can have in a short time period with others. My intern here did something that would fall under the title of 'snowboard ministry' and I thought that it was completely lame. I kept thinking that this snowboard ministry was just an excuse for them to always be snowboarding, but I am seeing it differently now. After interactions with liftees, snowboard instructors and just people on the chair I see that there is a huge opportunity to do ministry... on a ski hill! That same intern I was talking about before told a story from his week which I thought was really sweet. Apparently over the years he had gotten to know one of the liftees who works at Mount Washington, and this intern (Tyler) has gotten to know what is going on in his life also. Tyler even calls him by his first name... crazy! lol, jk. But apparently while Tyler was in line and talking to him this man said something along the lines, "you are part of that religious group aren't you?" I think Tyler said that the man noticed that our attitudes and how we interacted with people were different from other people there. Even though I am not fond of the name 'religious group' it is so encouraging to know that people can tell that we are different, that we are 'not of this world'. Also apparently this liftee was able to pick us out on the ski hill, so cool! Well that is my little story for this week.
I guess I should talk of last week and how the whole youth event thing went along. To be honest, I had a breakdown and then everything went really well after that. I just really need to depend on God more.
Well I kind of forgot that I was in college, which sucks. I have a lot of precourse work and other 'fun' stuff I have to do.... yuck. Not looking forward to it.
That is it I guess for now, this coming up weekend we are going to Mission Fest in Vancouver and I am excited for it. Does that make me a geek? Maybe slightly.
I hope your next week goes well and that God reveals himself in new ways to you.

Chapter 17: Oh, The Irony!

Well I decided to do this next week's post in two because I have a few things on my mind and I want to talk about them before I forget.
So yesterday we rented out the Fuller Lake ice rink in Chemainus for two hours. I hadn't gone skating in probably five years, so I knew I wasn't going to do well but since my Kaleo friends were there I thought it could be fun. It was really a great time, all of the girls (except Bret and Janet) were in the same position as me, so we held hands and skated around in circles for a good while till we got the hang of it. I used to take figure skating but that was a long, long time ago. By the end I was able to skate backwards, make bubbles, stop and balance on one skate, so I was happy. At the end of our time there, we all had to do figure skating routines, I laughed at all of them... no word of a lie.
Yesterday morning was quite the time. On Tuesday I really felt like I was supposed to share my testimony/story in chapel but we had some camp people come in so I wasn't able to, so on Wednesday night I texted Jim and asked if I could go. Some people weren't there but I really felt like I needed to tell my testimony, it was the next step in becoming more vulnerable with the community here but also helping me become more bold. I'll be quite frank, I pretty much bawled through the whole thing. I don't even know why really, some parts were sad but for the most part my story is full of blessings in my life. It was weird, I find it funny now though. I think it is God showing me who is actually in control. I'll be honest I despise crying in myself, it makes me feel weak, so I think God is purposely making me into a cry baby. Ever since I came to Kaleo I seem to be crying in chapels a fair bit, not really outside of that though, which is good I guess. It would seem God has a good sense of irony. Sharing my testimony I felt like I didn't share everything I could of but I prayed before I began that what I would say would be glorifying to God, so maybe that is why I said some things and not others, but for the most part I think I said the important stuff.
In other news, the Kaleo crew is 'leading' a youth event tonight here. I am the 'leader' for the Mug-up/Kitchen. I'll be completely frank, I am very below being fond of it. Doing this job was one of my least favourites to do, but I guess it is my own fault I told Jay I didn't care where I went. I still harbour that stupid bitterness towards camp ministry, and this situation probably made it worse. I am trying to have a positive attitude though and I tell myself that it is only day. It sucks that I will probably doing stuff for this 'one day' all of today practically though, and I can't seem to find anybody who is willing to help out either... bummer. haha.
In Operation World, a book we are praying over and reading for Theology of Missions says "Again, in a godless universe, the idea of prayer for the evangelization of the world is beyond absurd.Do we really believe that our prayers to an invisible God can and will change the hard hearts of tyrants, break down oppressive social and religious systems, and deliver fullness of life to those who suffer in abject hopelessness? FB Meyer wrote: "You do not test the resources of God until you attempt the impossible". I think I can't even grasp the importance of prayer, I think it is so hard for me to grasp because prayer is a spiritual thing, a practice that is beyond flesh and blood. It is something that nourishes the soul, and is communication with God. I think this year is really revealing to me prayer in a new light. Brick by brick, and bit by bit I am seeing prayer as I think God intended me to see it.
Over the past week I have felt that I have lived within my only little world and only concerned for myself. This has happened more than once in my life and it is during these times that I realize all too late what the consequences are when I do this. Usually the consequences fall onto my friends and family. I am trying to work through this though, and one thing that has helped is reading the Bible daily and starting my day in prayer. In the morning now I spend time in the library usually reading and praying over things, which is strange because my life state is in chaos to me right now but there is strong assurance that I have God and a strong foundation in him, an inner joy.
I just don't know why but I have become so hard hearted and bitter towards so many things. These past few days have been like a roller coaster with my emotions. I am asking and thinking things of people that just can't happen, I need to depend on God for that.
There ar other things that I am struggling with but it is related to people who probably read this blog and that would make things probably super awkward... eek!
I think that is all for now, or at least what I can think of. Please be praying for me, I think the more I become vulnerable with this community, and God the more spiritual warfare that is going on in my life.

Grace means more than gifts. In grace something is transcended, once and for all overcome. Grace happens in spite of something; it happens in spite of separateness and alienation. Grace means that life is once again united with life, self is reconciled with self. Grace means accepting the abandoned one. Grace transforms fate into a meaningful vocation. It transforms guilt to trust and courage. The word grace has something triumphant in it.
~Yrjo Kallinen

Chapter 16:Bottled Up With the Emotions of a Poet

Well my first week of the new semester has gone by here at Kaleo.
The class was really good but as I said before, I had a hard time focusing which was strange, it just seems my mind kept going on tangents.
The whole thing about going to either Briercrest or Ambrose has actually come to the point I couldn't think of anything else, I was completely distracted. I was blessed enough to realize though before it became too consuming. So I have now resolved to apply and not put too much thought into it until a later date. I have learned that a few more of my friends are going to Briercrest now, which makes my decision even harder. I am just going to pray about it for now.
To be honest, I have all these thoughts swirling in my mind but I can't seem to pin any one thought down at this moment. I still seem to harbour bitterness towards camp ministry so I would ask for some prayer in that. Also, that I would be able to come to a decision of where God could use me best for school next year, and even that maybe if it be his will, that I wouldn't go to school next year.
I think I am finally starting to notice that materialism is starting to have less of a hold on me, when I went to Victoria it seemed not quite as strong as it usually is. I think I am starting to finally starting to devalue it as I use to but it is still a long, long process. I have very far to go yet. I remember hearing of materialism a long time ago and feeling convicted about it but I thought it was too immense and almost impossible to tackle, but here I am, with God's grace I am taking on this thing that has almost had the status of a god in my life. I am starting to see that it is possible to overcome.
I was reading a little bit from an old favourite of mine, Every Young Woman's Battle, it really put into perspective that I am not ready to take on a relationship yet, I would love to go through getting my degree without being married and even more preferably, without being engaged. Which is something that worries me about Briercrest (also known as Bridal Quest). haha. I don't think I am mature enough either to be in a relationship. Every time I think of my last relationship I just realize how faulted it was and how unprepared I was, and to be honest, -I have healed and gotten over it- when I think of that relationship I am still reminded of heartache and pain. I won't lie either, there was really great moments of it, and I learned many things about others and myself but at this moment what I can take from that past relationship is that I need to wait. I don't know if this is good or bad but I almost want to avoid a relationship, I like independence. I love the thought of independence and being the strong, and single person -don't get me wrong, I want to marry someday. I just need to figure out who I am in Christ and focus on my relationship with him before anything else which is hard because I am naturally a romantic. Which does seem to cause me some difficulties but I need to be patient and be able to overcome.

So that is all I have to say for now I guess.

Chapter 15: Some Things Never Change

Well I am back at my second home here on the Island. To be honest, it is so refreshing to be back. I loved being at home and seeing my family and friends, but it was great to see my Kaleo friends and family too. I really did miss them. It seemed the moment we saw each other again it was like time hadn't passed between us, which is so precious to me and something that isn't in every friendship.
I think I feel like we are more unified with this new semester, and the threat of people leaving not looming over us anymore has really brought a peace and calm to our community. The fact of one of the people who said they were leaving and coming back was also such a great joy.
Right now I am definitely having my struggles, I am really struggling with a lot of thoughts but especially on which school to go to next year, to go to Ambrose for Intercultural Studies or Briercrest for Global Studies. I know I want to pursue some sort of mission field but I also feel like I am led into the justice and non-profit organizations like World Vision or even Red Cross. I know these two can definitely go together but I don't know how or what I need to take. It is slightly confusing and I keep going back and forth. I am weighing options but that seems to make it all the harder!
The class this week is Theology of Mission with Tim Stabell. Tim is so incredible and has such a very genuine and vulnerable nature of him. The class is definitely different than what I thought, but still very good. I am having a hard time concentrating which is weird because it is so interesting.
I am also finding that I am having a hard heart and bitterness when it comes to pray and camp ministry here, thankfully I am realizing it, but it is something I need to be working on, so please be praying for me.
Have a lovely and delightful and joyful week!