Cupid, Butterflies, and Roses

I think this may be quite a bold move on my part, but it something that I have really been thinking about lately. You may be wondering why in the world a single 21-year old girl  who has been single for over 5 years is writing a blog post about dating and relationships. Well, there have been a couple close calls in the past few years and instead of seeing these experiences as failures, I had decided to see what I have learned from these experiences and growing in that. Some of these may not be personal experiences either but are ones that I have observed from others around me.
1. Savor every stage. I am not just talking about the usual 'be content in your singleness' slogan everyone mentions. Even though I think it is vital to be enjoy the gifts and exclusive experiences that only singleness can bring. I am talking about every stage whether that be 'just friends', dating, engaged, etc. These stages really in the grand scheme of things are fleeting and quite short. Even within dating there are different stages, and I think we should enjoy every moment and not looking too excitedly to when we can first hold hands, etc. because once you advance to the next stage, it is hard to go back.
2. Cellphones and texting will be the rising and falling of many relationships. I am not saying that texting in itself is a bad thing. What matters though is what type of role it plays within the relationship. If texting is your main source of getting to know someone.... not good. People can make themselves be perceived however they like, which doesn't give us the holistic view of who they are. Also texting shouldn't be the form in which you have your 'deep' conversations or even your fights. Really, those type of conversations need to be carried out in person –or at least by phone if it is long distance. Texting as said, is not bad in itself. Sometimes it can be a way of letting someone know that you are thinking of them if you see something that reminds you of them or if you want to share some funny detail of your day. It just needs to be used properly.
3. Don't make the first move. Yup, it may sound like a snotty comment but from my experience it is really true. I am not saying that I cannot talk to guys at all or be friends but I am not going to initiate something beyond friendship. My experience is that when I was the one doing the 'chasing', it never ends well. I want the guy to step outside his comfort zone to show me that I am worth it for him to be a little uncomfortable. I also want him to be sure of what he wants rather than being flimsy or on the fence. When the guy is the one initiating, I can have some assurance that he isn't wavering. Call me old-fashioned but I believe that chivalry isn't completely dead.
4. Trust the Lord. This may be more for all my single guys and gals out there but I think it can be relevant for everyone. There are still honestly moments when I feel lonely or I long to have someone to share those moments in life with but I remind myself that the Lord's plan is a lot better than anything I could orchestrate. I am not saying that whole 'girls are like apples' philosophy that is by Pete Wentz – who really we probably shouldn't be taking too much advice from, he's in Fall Out Boy, not some profound poet. There can be some truth to Wentz's little poem –like having firm morals– but for the most part I think it is a fallacy to think that those girls who date later on in life are 'the best' compared to those who date before them. There is just different timing for different people it is not really based on who is 'better'. Anyways, rant over on that one.
There have been times where I have started to freak out because I think my biological clock is ticking away –for crying out loud I am only 21!– and I won't find anyone. When I look back at those moments I can only laugh, I am still young and I am worry way too much. I highly doubt it but who knows, maybe I will stay single all my life. If that is the case, I need to accept that and not be looking forward to something that isn't a reality for me – or may never be. I need to trust the Lord in his timing and not trying to take control.
5. Don't forget about your friends. As much as you 'adore' that darling of yours, you honestly don't need to spend every waking hour with them. I think it is important to have consistent friendships who can constantly give input into your life and build stability in your life. I cannot even really express how important it is to have friends. When you are in a relationship it is important to still be spending time with your friends which fosters good habits for later on in life. Even though your significant other will be your best friend in life you still need same gender friends! Also, realistically 9/10 of the relationships you have will not work out. Friends are going to be the ones who will be there for you and be that shoulder to cry on. I am not saying you need friends just for the fall back when a relationship turns sour. One of my RDs told me when they were at another private school in the dorms was a sign that said something along the lines that high school is the time to find your bridesmaids, not your groom. That may have been advice for high school students but I think it is applicable for even now.

Yes, there are probably more but that is all I can think of at the moment. Some people may disagree and that is fine. I also realize that I am naive and young and know literally nothing in comparison to the couple who has been married over 65 years, and even my views I hold now may change with time. Sorry boys if you thought this would be a list of what I look for in a guy! ;) I would like to hear your thoughts!