Gospels was incredible, and I learned that I am more of a Biblical Studies kind of gal, which isn't a bad thing, and actually, doesn't surprise me. I do wish I was able to do the Gospels over a semester so I could soak in all the rich content and go into more detail but alas, we were not able. Through this course, like any course this year, I learned a lot. It radically shaped my view of Christianity too. It was getting to the root of my beliefs, the words of Jesus without being hindered by church tradition and ideas. It was definitely radical and challenging what Jesus said. Dietrich Boenhoeffer, a German pastor, theologian and pastor once said, "Christianity without discipleship is always Christianity without Christ.” He was exactly saying that discipleship and Christ come hand in hand, which also means our salvation. I am not saying that we have to earn our salvation, we can never earn it. I am saying that true faith gives fruit to obedience and discipleship. I have known that the life of a follower of Christ was hard, but this course definitely personally applied it to me. The challenge to take up my cross daily and deny myself is a hard one. To take up my cross means surrender of my life, giving over the right to rule over my own life to Christ, but also making myself willing to be open to persecution, hardship, and even, shame (Matt. 16:24-28). I also really loved all of themes that were present within each gospel, and how the authors worked with those themes throughout their book. I was so exciting for me (yes, I am a geek) to see the fine details and how it creates the bigger picture.
So Gospels in itself was challenging to my own personal spiritual walk, but there were other things that make this a hard week. One was that I stayed up till 1 and then woke up at 6 to finish a paper-never going to try doing that again. More importantly though, is that another Kaleo member has left us. I think many of us knew that him leaving was looming in the air for awhile already, but to hear the news is always the worst. It was hard news for our community, I feel bad that it came right in the middle of Gospels though for Wes and Justin. I personally am so sad to see this person leave, and to be honest, I have a sense of guilt. I feel like when he needed us the most, I pushed him away or tried to stay out of his way. That was so wrong of me, especially because I do love him. Once again, I became too wrapped up in my own world and avoiding myself being hurt that I neglected him. I was definitely not acting like a sister in Christ that I am meant to be.
I have realized that this Kaleo year has definitely been a hard one, especially for our community. I feel bad that we have made it a very rough year for Jim. I see the whole theme of a "year of grace" definitely shining through. It needs to be a year of grace because all of us seem to repeatedly screw up royally or hold a bitterness, I myself, have done both.
On a happier note, my room and my room brothers went on our first date on friday! They planned it and didn't tell us anything except to bring stuff to make letters. So in the pouring rain they led us (eventually) to the Badke's house. Once there Danny (Jim's son) had made delicious cupcakes and we had a tea party! So cute, gotta love the room brothers! We then made cards for our male and female interns. I really enjoyed it, and it was refreshing. I think finally our community has come together, it is like we were all waiting for something magic to happen for us to become the Kaleo community, but it was all the time within us. Monday, we did something very 'unique'. For chapel, we (as in the Kaleo girls) each had one of the Kaleo boys who we then encouraged. I was so blessed to have Mike, I just love that guy, plus he didn't make it awkward for the second part. You may ask what the second part is well I will tell you: we washed their feet. Plain and simple. It was based on Jesus washing his disciples feet, and act of us serving our Kaleo brothers. To be honest, in many ways I didn't want to do it because I thought washing someone's feet would be plain awkward, but Mike was really good about it. That evening many of us went to New Life Community church because they were showing a documentary on sex trafficking within Canada. So informative. I suggest you watch it, you can find it at www.hopeforthesold.com and then click on resources. On Tuesday, we had a short dance party in Club Coco and the next night we had a Bible study.
As per usual it seems these days, I have hit a rough patch. I just feel like for the most part, unrecognized, especially when professors come and I know that my shyness is holding me back. That is my own fault, but I like to hold self-pity parties for myself it seems. I think it may be that I am at this point seeking human recognition more than God's, I'll need to work on that I guess. It is so weird that here I am still for the most part quiet even though I know these people so well. I was on the Sr. SRC in my hometown and I spoke in front of large crowds that I didn't intimately know, and it didn't bother me at all, I was a leader in my hometown (I may be wrong though, so don't hold me to it, haha), but I just don't know what happened here.
So that is all I can think of, if you still want to donate to my mission trips (hint, hint, nudge, nudge) you still can but probably mailing it wouldn't really work anymore, you would probably have to phone.
Anyways, I will try to post before I am off for my missions trip. Please be praying for myself and my team but also for the other teams. I hope you have a lovely week filled with God revealing himself to you.
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