Well my first week of the new semester has gone by here at Kaleo.
The class was really good but as I said before, I had a hard time focusing which was strange, it just seems my mind kept going on tangents.
The whole thing about going to either Briercrest or Ambrose has actually come to the point I couldn't think of anything else, I was completely distracted. I was blessed enough to realize though before it became too consuming. So I have now resolved to apply and not put too much thought into it until a later date. I have learned that a few more of my friends are going to Briercrest now, which makes my decision even harder. I am just going to pray about it for now.
To be honest, I have all these thoughts swirling in my mind but I can't seem to pin any one thought down at this moment. I still seem to harbour bitterness towards camp ministry so I would ask for some prayer in that. Also, that I would be able to come to a decision of where God could use me best for school next year, and even that maybe if it be his will, that I wouldn't go to school next year.
I think I am finally starting to notice that materialism is starting to have less of a hold on me, when I went to Victoria it seemed not quite as strong as it usually is. I think I am starting to finally starting to devalue it as I use to but it is still a long, long process. I have very far to go yet. I remember hearing of materialism a long time ago and feeling convicted about it but I thought it was too immense and almost impossible to tackle, but here I am, with God's grace I am taking on this thing that has almost had the status of a god in my life. I am starting to see that it is possible to overcome.
I was reading a little bit from an old favourite of mine, Every Young Woman's Battle, it really put into perspective that I am not ready to take on a relationship yet, I would love to go through getting my degree without being married and even more preferably, without being engaged. Which is something that worries me about Briercrest (also known as Bridal Quest). haha. I don't think I am mature enough either to be in a relationship. Every time I think of my last relationship I just realize how faulted it was and how unprepared I was, and to be honest, -I have healed and gotten over it- when I think of that relationship I am still reminded of heartache and pain. I won't lie either, there was really great moments of it, and I learned many things about others and myself but at this moment what I can take from that past relationship is that I need to wait. I don't know if this is good or bad but I almost want to avoid a relationship, I like independence. I love the thought of independence and being the strong, and single person -don't get me wrong, I want to marry someday. I just need to figure out who I am in Christ and focus on my relationship with him before anything else which is hard because I am naturally a romantic. Which does seem to cause me some difficulties but I need to be patient and be able to overcome.
So that is all I have to say for now I guess.
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